The Average Cost of Raising a Child
It seems like wherever you look, somebody's updating the ever-rising cost of having a baby. The first time I heard about the cost, I think it was around $250,000, not including college. The most recent number was over $1 million. Every time I see these articles, I can't help wondering, what in tarnation are these people buying their kids? Because there is just no earthly way I cost that much.
My parents raised four kids first on a part-time construction worker's salary, and then, after my dad severed his media nerve and lost some of the function of his left hand, a part-time school secretary's salary. If each of us had truly cost the more conservative $250,000, my parents would be around a million dollars in debt right now.
The truth is, if you really look at the break-down of where this supposed money is going, the whole thing pretty quickly reveals itself as sensationalist psuedo-researched clickbait. These estimates total the supplies needed for a newborn at $10,000 and up, including things like "wipe warmer," "diaper service," "nanny," and "chinchilla skin carseat cover" in their idea of "essentials." You can probably tell by my excessive "quotation mark usage" that I "disagree."
Baby essentials lists are no better. $400 state-of-the-art swing with ergonomic remote control... $3500 eco-sourced convertible crib... $1200 self-rocking bassinet designed by rocket scientists... not only are none of these "essential," at most you'd really only need one of them, not all three, and certainly not in conjuction with 3-5 designer bedding sets for each. When any parenting magazine or blog churns out a list of "essentials," my brain now autocorrects it to "luxuries no 99 percenter will ever need or afford."
Seriously, though, the thing I can't get over is the wipe warmer. Just why? I can achieve the same damn effect by holding a wipe between my hands for 5 seconds. Or, I don't know, just wipe the kid's butt with a cold wipe? I'm pretty sure they're not going to die of hypothermia from a tepid buttwipe*.
*In the time between writing this and posting it, I was generously gifted a wipe warmer by a dear friend. Thanks, friend! Please don't misinterpret this rant as ingratitude! I might not have had this particular gadget on my "to buy" list, but it's certainly worth having for the low low price of gratitude.
On another note, Tepid Buttwipe would not be the worst band name I've ever heard.
So you've got the $10,000 baby-essentials estimate, and then you add on another $12,000 - $40,000 a year in child care, depending on whether you'll be putting your kid in some overpopulated, germ-riddled state daycare, or springing for a college-educated live-in nanny. Funny how these articles never seem to consider the possibility that the kids will be primarily raised by, oh, I don't know, one of their parents? But I guess that's one of those ludicrously old-fashioned things that just doesn't happen any more, like baking your own bread, or riding your horse to the general store for a penny candy.
This is already a substantial sum, and once you factor in on-trend clothing, toys, and gadgets, it really adds up. Plus there's the rent or mortgage on a big house with enough rooms for every member of the family to have their own space, cell phone plan with unlimited data for all, cable with all the channels... really, it's a miracle anyone has kids. I don't know how those villagers in India do it! Those customer service call centers must pay better than I thought.
Back on the topic of the wipe warmer, by the way, where do gifted and thrifted items fit into these ludicrous estimations? So far, every big-ticket item I've needed for this kid, I've gotten either second hand, or as a gift (or as a second hand gift!) This includes my birthing tub, swing, rocker/bassinet, breast pump, Moby wrap, Ergo carrier, and the first month's worth of diapers, as well as more clothes than one baby will be able to wear before growing out of them. Maybe I'm just exceptionally lucky (super possible, I have awesome friends, don't be jelly), but I kinda suspect that most people have access at least to thrift stores, if not generous friends and family.
So what's the point of these astronomical child-rearing estimates that make breeding seem like something only the mega-wealthy can afford? My theory is, it's just another way to instill that deep Mommy-guilt we love so much in this society. Oh, sure, all you need to make a baby is biology that functions like that and a willing partner, but unless you're also shelling out $30 a pop for that freaking organic rubber giraffe, you're failing your kid. Just like "balance kids and work or you're wasting your life" guilt and "get your pre-baby body back NOW" guilt, "buy all the things" guilt really only exists to serve commercial purposes.
So join me, fellow weenies. Let's rise up and say "enough is enough." I decline to feel guilty because I can't afford a gold-plated ipad for my future spawn. In fact, I'm going to rest smugly in my false sense of superiority and sell my kids a lot of junk about "building character" as they grow up without designer jeans or trilingual nannies. And when I'm old and gray, I'm going to take the $900,000 I saved by not spoiling the everliving crap out of my kids, and pay for my own nursing home. You're welcome, future children.
I hope they have a wipe warmer in the nursing home.
My parents raised four kids first on a part-time construction worker's salary, and then, after my dad severed his media nerve and lost some of the function of his left hand, a part-time school secretary's salary. If each of us had truly cost the more conservative $250,000, my parents would be around a million dollars in debt right now.
The truth is, if you really look at the break-down of where this supposed money is going, the whole thing pretty quickly reveals itself as sensationalist psuedo-researched clickbait. These estimates total the supplies needed for a newborn at $10,000 and up, including things like "wipe warmer," "diaper service," "nanny," and "chinchilla skin carseat cover" in their idea of "essentials." You can probably tell by my excessive "quotation mark usage" that I "disagree."
Baby essentials lists are no better. $400 state-of-the-art swing with ergonomic remote control... $3500 eco-sourced convertible crib... $1200 self-rocking bassinet designed by rocket scientists... not only are none of these "essential," at most you'd really only need one of them, not all three, and certainly not in conjuction with 3-5 designer bedding sets for each. When any parenting magazine or blog churns out a list of "essentials," my brain now autocorrects it to "luxuries no 99 percenter will ever need or afford."
Seriously, though, the thing I can't get over is the wipe warmer. Just why? I can achieve the same damn effect by holding a wipe between my hands for 5 seconds. Or, I don't know, just wipe the kid's butt with a cold wipe? I'm pretty sure they're not going to die of hypothermia from a tepid buttwipe*.
*In the time between writing this and posting it, I was generously gifted a wipe warmer by a dear friend. Thanks, friend! Please don't misinterpret this rant as ingratitude! I might not have had this particular gadget on my "to buy" list, but it's certainly worth having for the low low price of gratitude.
On another note, Tepid Buttwipe would not be the worst band name I've ever heard.
So you've got the $10,000 baby-essentials estimate, and then you add on another $12,000 - $40,000 a year in child care, depending on whether you'll be putting your kid in some overpopulated, germ-riddled state daycare, or springing for a college-educated live-in nanny. Funny how these articles never seem to consider the possibility that the kids will be primarily raised by, oh, I don't know, one of their parents? But I guess that's one of those ludicrously old-fashioned things that just doesn't happen any more, like baking your own bread, or riding your horse to the general store for a penny candy.
This is already a substantial sum, and once you factor in on-trend clothing, toys, and gadgets, it really adds up. Plus there's the rent or mortgage on a big house with enough rooms for every member of the family to have their own space, cell phone plan with unlimited data for all, cable with all the channels... really, it's a miracle anyone has kids. I don't know how those villagers in India do it! Those customer service call centers must pay better than I thought.
Back on the topic of the wipe warmer, by the way, where do gifted and thrifted items fit into these ludicrous estimations? So far, every big-ticket item I've needed for this kid, I've gotten either second hand, or as a gift (or as a second hand gift!) This includes my birthing tub, swing, rocker/bassinet, breast pump, Moby wrap, Ergo carrier, and the first month's worth of diapers, as well as more clothes than one baby will be able to wear before growing out of them. Maybe I'm just exceptionally lucky (super possible, I have awesome friends, don't be jelly), but I kinda suspect that most people have access at least to thrift stores, if not generous friends and family.
So what's the point of these astronomical child-rearing estimates that make breeding seem like something only the mega-wealthy can afford? My theory is, it's just another way to instill that deep Mommy-guilt we love so much in this society. Oh, sure, all you need to make a baby is biology that functions like that and a willing partner, but unless you're also shelling out $30 a pop for that freaking organic rubber giraffe, you're failing your kid. Just like "balance kids and work or you're wasting your life" guilt and "get your pre-baby body back NOW" guilt, "buy all the things" guilt really only exists to serve commercial purposes.
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| Sophie the giraffe is judging you. |
I hope they have a wipe warmer in the nursing home.
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